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Either good or bad experiences you have with siblings, to maintain sibling relationship are not only for children, but it is also for adults as well. How do you maintain sibling relationship? There should not be theories on how to maintain sibling relationship, but there are some tips based on the life experience I have that I want to share with you.
I feel blessed to have a wonderful relationship with my sisters, so does my husband. However, we find that our children have some quarrels several times in a day. That really makes me upset as a parent. I am sure that fighting between siblings is a concern for all parents. Therefore, educating children to have good relationship is one of our mission.
Why Sibling Relationship Needs Attention
I believe that not every parent has good relationship with siblings for some reasons. For the worst reasons, I still think that sibling relationship is worth to maintain.
More Than Parents
We never know how long we can live on the earth, but logically, siblings will live longer than parents. Siblings take longer lifetime next to each other. We will spend longer life time with siblings than parents. What would happen when we don't maintain good relationship with siblings? The rest of our life will feel like a hell for me personally.
More Than Friends
One thing that differentiate siblings from friends is the legal factor. Siblings are united by the law. Either they have biological parents or not, siblings are united and verified by the law. It sounds hard, but it will force siblings to receive each other, even when they are not suited at all. In other words, friends are still friends forever. They still can break up easily.
Having warm relationship with anyone will make you feel more peaceful. Even more, when you have wonderful relationship with your siblings, you will have more peaceful life. We won't know what happen in the future. When friends leave us, siblings will be the ones who remains.
How to Maintain Sibling Relationship
Knowing the reasons
Not everyone needs to know the importance of having good sibling relationship. The good relationship just happens naturally like it does with the relationship with other people. However, there are many times that people are unaware why they need to have good relationship with siblings. There are a lot of fight between them and even sibling fight is like a habit. That will be a very bad condition where they need to know that great sibling relationship is extremely important for whatever reason.
Having similar condition, hobby, and routines will make siblings get together more frequently. Siblings will share similar experience that can be great memories for them to talk together in the future. If you can't hold the fight, then you need to get used to. There should be a natural way to solve the fighting problem, if there is any.
More Time to Talk
When we get this habit to children since they are young, it will be a wonderful memory in the future for them. However, nothing wrong when you have just got the chance for more conversation in the old ages.
- More time to talk about casual things will reduce the tension of quarrel.
- It should let siblings avoid misunderstanding each other better than using the written language.
Well, less people talk each other orally due to the sophisticated technology that allows them to use written language more frequently. It will increase the possibility of misunderstanding.
Hangout will give more topics to talk with siblings. You can talk about whatever passes and have fun together. It will reduce the stress and pressure, especially for the older ones. For younger children, they can have more games or play that involve them together.
Besides, siblings will know better each other when they are involved in the same activity. They will know the characteristics and styles. Even the small children will know their siblings or friends better under their consciousness when they often play or go out together.
Debate is good to increase the critical thinking and language. However, too much debate is not healthy for any relationship. It can be also a kind of habit. The situation can lead into a quarrel that avoids people to accept others easily. Therefore, I would like to suggest minimal frequency of debates. Unless it is really necessary, it is better to prevent debates between siblings. When children are still young, parents need to be sensitive whether a debate is healthy for them or not.
Well, I completely understand that everyone has the right to give opinion or suggestion. However, it is better when children know the limit and how to say that properly so it will not lead to endless debates.
Sharing the same or mutual responsibilities will make siblings have better tolerance and solidarity. Therefore, it is great if you can get kids do some chores together and make them a team in the work. It will make them closer each other while they are building their responsibility.
Tolerance to Each Other
To respect others is one aspect of building good relationship with everyone, especially between siblings. Letting somebody else to do and to think differently from us with respect is one way to teach tolerance. When children have the sense of tolerance, they will not easily hurt others or being hurt, especially siblings. To accept others for whoever they are will educate everyone to respect others. Thus, a good relationship is more likely to be maintained.
Believe it or not, uniform might be a silly way to bind the good relationship of siblings. This is one tip from my parent. I still cannot see the logic relationship of uniform and good relationship. Wearing uniform in a company or at school doesn't always make good relationship among people, but siblings uniform seems work well for us. It just makes us feel proud of being in a family group. You might try to get uniforms for children in some occasions or daily.
Examples from Parents
You might find it is very hard to tell children to maintain good relationship with siblings. It is easier for them to see examples from parents right away. Therefore, it is important for you to show the good relationship with others, and with your siblings especially, so that children can exemplify.
Thinking of Parents
Are your siblings cooperative? You are very lucky if you have ones. However, if you feel that your siblings are terrible and not cooperative at all, that is not a bad fate at all. It might also happen to your children. They might feel that their siblings don't fit them as well. The main reason for them to maintain sibling relationship is only to consider the parents' will. Thus, you need to tell them your will that they need to maintain sibling relationship. That will be the last reason.
Adelien Tan is a mother of three awesome boys and a wife of a great husband. They are a home education family who live in Surabaya, Indonesia, where home education is still very rare. English is her foreign language, but She tries to use it in blogging.