Every child is not naturally born with self-confidence. Parents often have to raise confident children along with their growth. Directly and indirectly, self-confidence is very important to the growth of a person. When it is not built up since children are on the early growth, it will be more difficult in the adulthood later on. Parents are required to learn more about parenting and look up for some tips to raise confident children
Why Parents Need to Raise Confident Children
Confidence is not only about performance or physical ability, but it is about the way children can accept themselves and show their strengths and weakness to others.
- More confident children will be able to make decision better and more easily.
- Children with good level of confidence will be able to communicate better with other people. They can communicate their ideas and also can listen what others say.
- Confident children are more likely to be successful in the academic and work in the future. They will trust themselves.
- Confident children can share their ideas and opinion so they will have less burden in their life. They will be more extrovert usually.
Tips to Raise Confident Children
Accept your children as whoever they are. Don’t even compare them to others or each other. There are a lot of temptation to compare children. The neighbor’s yard is greener than ours. Being compared will make children see what others can achieve and can do. They will start doubting themselves. Here are what parents can do:
- Control yourself when talking. Your children will have feeling. Although you talk with others when they are not around. Be careful!
- Be confident with your own children. It is quite hard, I confess. However, when you don’t trust them, they might not trust themselves.
Parents might have accepted the children as who they are, but it often happens that we cannot control ourselves to react with expressive emotion toward certain situation when children make mistakes. For us, it is something normal, but for children, they will get more burden after their mistakes. They will feel our disappointment that will add the guilty feeling. What parents can do:
- Be ready with the mistakes. Don’t over-estimate the children. Get ready to prepare your reaction when they make mistakes.
- Control our emotion when we find or see mistakes made by children. Try to hold the over-disappointed reaction.
I love one of the Charlotte Mason motto that supposed to be done everyday before the lesson:
That is a kind of self-confirmation to raise the inner self-confidence of everyone who mentions it.
This is an interesting advice I got from someone that I think will be very helpful to raise the self-confidence. When you wake up in the morning and look at the mirror, you will see your reflection. Talking to you reflection is like to talk to yourself, giving self-encouragement and suggestion. That is the law
It happens to anyone, I think. Even parents can use this way to build up your self-confidence.
More Reasonable Freedom
Too many “no” or prohibition will discourage children to make self-decision. It happens to me. I think it also happened to my parents and my siblings. We might not aware about it, but I often think deeper about it. It is caused by the traditional parenting that often have restriction. I cannot blame my parents for it since that is the situation and environment that shape us. Not everyone that have the similar situation will experience the same result, but it will more likely happen.
When children have too many restriction and rules, they will be scared to make decision as parents usually make one for them. It will also influence other situation where self-confidence is needed.
What about rules and politeness? Of course, rules and politeness are still needed to make sure that the freedom has limit. Therefore, I said it is a reasonable freedom.
Practice and Get Organized
Let’s think what makes people not confident. The main reason for people not to be confident is the lack of practice and organization. Well, it depends also in the context of being not confident. Here are some examples:
- Being not confident in a stage performance.People will be more confident when they have practiced a lot to prepare the performance. Therefore, before children have a stage performance, it is better for them to have sufficient practice to prepare.
- Being not confident in appearanceIt means that people try to avoid people or certain situation where the physical appearance is exposed or shown. A practice to meet other people is needed in this way. Get the children meet people in several various occassions to “practice” their confidence in some ways. The habit of being organized will also be helpful to boost the self-confidence.
Good appearance will certainly give more confidence, although it is not demanding in real life. Not all people created with physically great that make them feel confident. The older and the more mature children are, the more aware usually they are towards their physical appearance. There are also many cases where the teenagers try to adjust their fashion and physical appearance to the trendy mode to get themselves more confidence.
It is very useful for parents to pay attention to the children’s physical appearance. They don’t need to appear elegantly or fabulously.
- Being standard and tidy will be sufficient in building up the self-confidence.
- Smile will also be a good way to deal with being nervous. Besides, it will be helpful to grow confidence.
For any situation, being volunteers is really good to boost self-confidence. For example, when there is some errand to help others, children can participate to get more interaction and to learn other skills. It is the same like me when I want to do a guest posting voluntarily. I will be more confident in writing while I can get more interaction with the host and her audience without any burden.
- Being volunteer gives less burden that make children work in less pressure.
- Being a volunteer can give children new experience of learning that makes them more confident in other situation of learning.
More Encouragement and Praise
When you find children are successful in doing something, Saying them that they are good will not be enough. More encouraging expression of praise will be much more helpful to raise confident children. A sincere recognition toward their success will be a wonderful booster for their confidence.
There are many kinds of children, but some of them really need more doses of encouragement than others. However, try to avoid forcing and pressing when you try to encourage them. You should have positive purpose, but they might think that it is a pressure, instead of encouragement. Talk nicely and privately with them to give more understanding.
As a parent, it will need extra patience to give encouragement to children. You will also need to try and find out the best way to encourage them as every child is different.
The Habit of Being Thankful
Being not confident is other words for being shy to show off what we have or what we get. Talking to children about how thankful they should be for what they have and what they get will encourage them to be more confident.
From being thankful, children should show to others what they can do with the talent and strength to let people see the gift of God in their life.
Teach Them to Make Goals
Helping children to make simple goals will help them to be more steady in their achievement. Children will know the steps to achieve their success. It will also lead them to be more confident. Of course, the depth and the steps of the goals will be different from one child to others and from one area to others.
There are a lot of things parents need to learn about their children. Here are some books about parenting you might like to expand your perspective: