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Parenting takes a lot of patience and dedication for me. When they were little, I feels like I was waiting for a never ending journey. “When will children get ready?” I asked that question a lot of time. Even until today, there are chances that make me repeat the question again and again. Have you ever experienced the same thing like I do?
Children don't get mature at the same time and pace. Children maturity comes in different ways and time. Boys probably show up later than girls. The oldest child also usually looks more mature than the younger ones. Among the younger children, the youngest might look more mature than the older one. It happens with my children as well. How is your eperience with this situation?
When Will Children Get Ready?
They might get late writing, late reading, but the time will come when they are ready.My inspiration to publish this posting is some whines, complaint, and worries of many parents including myself about how late their children have grown. I don't know whether this phenomenon happens around you when many parents register their kindergarten or early elementary children to some reading, writing, and math tutorial programs. Many parents are too much worried if their children are going to be left out by their school curriculum that demands children to be able to color using coloring pencils in playgroup or when they are only three years old. It is also a compulsory that children entering the elementary school in Indonesia have to be able to read and write fluently at school. Therefore, I can completely understand how terrified parents are that their children will be left out so that they enroll their children to additional reading, writing, and math programs. Even some parents here hire a tutor just to teach their children coloring when they are still 3 years old. Can you imagine how the children feel? Maybe they don't understand right now, but one day they will understand how their right of playing time has been snatched away from them. I think they will compensate later on when they are adults.
When my second son, Tom, started his playgroup in a public school. I was very nervous and worried that he could not hold his pencil properly. His teachers always complained about him. He didn't want to color at all. I made a big mistake at that time. I was very frustrated teaching him to hold the pencil and to color so that I got angry with him and thought that he was lazy. I yelled a lot. What I can see from him was just scared face. He didn't understand why he had to color, and even why I yelled. Oh, the guilty feeling still happen until now. It was a very hard time. I should have been grateful that he was born normally. What a terrible mom I have been. When I am thinking about it right now, I feel very ashamed of myself. A couple of years later, I found that Drawing and coloring have been one of his hobbies. Although he has never won drawing or coloring competition, he could draw and color for hours.
From that experience, I have a great lesson. Every child has his or her own paths. Although he or she has not been able to do certain task, it doesn't mean that he or she is not capable. It is useless to compare children to others. Many parents ask questions each other about what is the right time for children to learn 3Rs (reading,(w)riting, and (a)rithmethics). There are a lot of versions for the answer. Even there is also a version that said those skills don't have to be taught until kids are ready. However, there is also another version that says those skills have to be taught as early as possible. It should not be a not flexible standard as every chid has his or her own capability. For a matter of worse, it is useless to get stressful and worried too much just because of the being late in progress matter. Just do it and one day children will be able to show their progress.
Leo the Late Bloomer
I have been very touched reading Leo the Late Bloomer
. The book is about a little tiger that is late in his development. His parents were upset because of his late development. However, they were very patient waiting for Leo until he blooms much better than his friends. This story has been very impressing for me. I also love the illustration inside that expresses the worry of parents and how Leo doesn't look very care about his late growth.
I think it is not about academic progress only. Waiting is a passive action that really need great patience for me. I had to wait for Jim getting 8 month old before he could sit by himself. I had to wait for Ken until he was 4 years old so that he could speak fluently. I had to wait until Jim was 6 years old so that he could sit on the church's bench rather than on the kneeling pads. Even now, I still have to wait for the time when my kids can learn independently, the time when they get more polite in manners, etc.
There is always waiting time when parents have to be patient. It is an endless time like how God has been waiting for us human to live as God's will. I am not idealistic, but this is a fact that we have to face in our life. Praying while waiting, that is the key. Even when finally they cannot achieve the expected growth, they are still our children who are the gifts from God. God must have got another plan for them in their life. Some hard work is needed to catch, but it should not make both parents and the child stressful or over worrying.
You are absolutely correct–children, especially very young ones, learn at their own rate.
So in Indonesia kids have to be able to read and write BEFORE they go to school, is that correct?
A kindergarten should “produce” some graduates who can read and write. That’s the fact about Indonesian education here. Thanks for stopping by.
You are so right. I am still learning ‘at my own page’ 🙂 This lesson goes for adults as well! 🙂
The stress and pressure of having to learn so much so early is just one of the reasons we haven chosen to homeschool. Nursery/kindergarten here can start as early as 2yrs 10 months, and the kids are observed and notes made every Thursday in their files (I’m not sure if all parents realise this). It’s not right to compare a child of 2yrs 10 months with a child of 3.75 years against each other on the same scale. Though I do get frustrated sometimes, I try to remember my children are still just 3 & 5 and they will ‘get it’ when they do. I recently backed off ‘school’ for 2 weeks and now they’re ASKING for ‘school’ and the jumps their brains have taken in that short time is terrific. Everyone has things they’re better at, and things they struggle with. but pre-teen is too early to put so much pressure on children, in my opinion.
One good thing about homeschooling is that there are no other children to compare mine to. They can each learn at their own rate and have the confidence to do so.
I worried and worried about how long it was taking my kids to potty train. My dad told me, “I don’t know one kid who’s gone to kindergarten in diapers.” There’s a lot of truth to that. Kids will come about things in their own time.
I studied Maria Montessori’s philosophy in an education class for a project. Her style impressed me with her conclusion that children have curious minds and their own aptitudes. No two children are the same, and their natural curiosity will guide them.
Great post!
I love all Montessori curriculum for early years. We use the cards a lot. Thanks for stopping by.
Wow! Fluent reading and writing BEFORE entering kindergarten??? Now that’s alot of pressure! That’s not only pressure for the child, but pressure for the parent as well. I think forcing a child into something when they are not ready will only cause them to rebel against it.
Yes, it is a very stressful time when you find your kids entering elementary school without reading and writing fluency. Year 1 kids have to be able to copy a lot of notes from the white board. Before Kindergarten, kids has to be able to color picture, at least with one color. I was pretty frustrated with this one.
This hits the nail on the head. I think that more parents need to worry less about where their children are at academically and worry more about supporting them.
It’s so refreshing to know I don’t have the only late bloomer. Often times, I worry and I am that parent! Thanks for the encouragement.
Great post! The reverse is true too, I think. I know lots of parents who feel their kids are growing up too fast! That situation still needs lots of prayer and patience!